People do change.
I miss her. She used to refer to herself as Peyton. There’s just something in her, I can’t figure it out. No matter how hard i try, I can’t get her out of my head. It’s like she’s always going to be there. Even if I’m in love with someone, she’s still there.
I forgot my last entry, im still drinking, but not yet have i gotten drunk. i guess that better.
So its been 7 months after i last poured my heart out here. Yes, this is something big. I hope it all subsides, the pain.
We’ve been doing well, just not today, not tonight, i guess not tomorrow nor the next day after tomorrow. It’s ended. Yes. I can accept it. Though there’s that possibility of getting back together, it’s still the end.
The end of when I thought she would never be so eager to leave me. She always does, she always leaves me, and yes she does have that 2 minute rebound thing. But she always leaves. Though she comes back, it still wont change the fact that she actually decided for at least 10 minutes to live without me. And the fact that she used to do it so often didn’t change my doubts.
It was all stupid. The argument, but it was meaningful in the end. This is not working out. Not for today, and I dont know when it will. I know it will work someday, I’ll make it work someday. Because I know there’s no one else like her. No one will ever be close to her. I will love no one any better or even equal of the love I gave her.
Maybe I gave her too much. Maybe she got used to so many things, and maybe she thought I had no limits. All maybes, though I know the truth to them, I still can’t admit them, because its not her fault.
I will always love you. Forever.
last night will be my last drinking session. The only next inuman I shall allow myself to drink is on dea’s bday!!
Share with me the blankets that you’re wrapped in
Because its cold outside, its cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because its cold inside, its cold inside
And your slowly shaking fingertips show that you’re scared like me
So let’s pretend were alone
And i know you may be scared
And i know we’re unprepared
But i dont care
Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you’re so sure
Please dont tell me that I’m the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible
I was born to tell you I love you
Isnt that a song already
I get a B in originality
And its true I cant go on without you
Your smile makes me see clear
If you could only see in the mirror what I see
And your slowly shaking fingertips show that youre scared like me
So let’s pretend were alone
And i know you may be scared
And i know we’re unprepared
But i dont care
Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you’re so sure
Please dont tell me that I’m the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible
Slow down girl
Youre not going anywhere
Just wait around and see
Maybe im much more
You never know what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything
Just because you were hurt doesnt mean you shouldnt bleed
I can be anyone anything, I promise I can be what you need
Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you’re so sure
Please dont tell me that I’m the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible
you see i had this first post right? about this one person who was screwing my head, who wont get the fuck out of my head. Its like i wanna kill myself whenever she’s in my head, but if i did that then id kill myself everyday. SO now I think I finally understood why im so caught up with her. Why she hits my pride every so often.
SHE IS MY KARMA. My karma for all the playing ive done with love. Yup she is,. she will be a reminder to me. A reminder to stay true, to love true and to not play with love.
Im sorry but thats the only explanation i can get. So i guess I will be thinking about her until ive paid for all the crying ive caused to my past ones. Shame on me.
happy new year. I told myself i wont drink again, as if. I had the worst hangover on new years day itself. what a great start??haha. but hell yeah, its another year, somehow things move faster as you get older. Or does it happen because of too many worries too many things caught up in your head? ull never know but it sure gets faster. Cant wait for med. Cant wait. =) Happy birthday to Nino! hes 20, man. not a teen anymore. anyway. this is this. HAPPY NEW YEAR!! this was by far the most fun holiday break ive had. regardless of the one major hangover, this was great. =) im giving my liver a rest from the two weeks of continuous drinking. =)
oh yeah, i keep writing 2007,2008 on exam papers and stuff last year, i dont know why i keep forgetting last year was 2007, this time ill get it right, the date. hehe
Ok, a lot has happened. My brother is so much better. My genetics exam was harder than I expected. I’ve applied for my majors, its not genetics mind you. I hope I chose right. But its just my majors, med is all that matters to me academically. anyway, my mom has been pretty busy with her salon, the busiest among us all. I have not done any shopping watsoever for the Christmas season. After all my sucks I am going to spend. Or at least my parents are. But hey, it is Christmas.
Speaking of Christmas, I do not refuse in joining kris kringles, because I really think it would lessen the number of people I would give gifts to, for example, sa barkada, instead of buying each one of them, isa na lang bibilhin ko kasi nagbunutan na.gets? so there, go na go ako sa mga kris kringle. So its almost time to exchange gifts I had to buy a lot of extra gifts for kris kringles. What the!! yeah, i was so fooled. I was included in 5 kris kringles, block,class,dorm, mother’s salon, barkada. The heavy part was the dorm, I had to buy 4 gifts!!! so that’s 9 extra gifts out of my own pocket. Stinks. So thats 9 plus 5 for my family, plus dea, therese, cara, mai but she’s gonna have her bday soon, monica,archie ofcourse,dada,and april. That’s gotta be better than hiskul. Man hiskul was the time that I spent more than 5thou bucks for gifts for my friends only. kalat kalat kasi, medsci, team(madami un), barkada tapos ofcourse cla patty. oh, i have to add patty to my list. So that’s that.
Mmmm. wat else, im not so excited about this year’s christmas, I dont know why, but its gonna be fun, lots of eating, and cooking and fireworks.yehey! I guess I already know how much fun its gonna be so I’m not super excited, I know I wont be disappointed. Also Mai’s party is coming, i need to buy clothes for that. Crap.
I have two exams left and three lab reports to do. papa just got home.byebye
Ok,so I read a couple articles of some people who consider marijuana as a good thing. You know what their main reason was? It helped them during their problems. During depressing times. It took them away from reality. AWAY from reality. No matter how smart Lester Grinspoon is, he is turning himself from reality. His own dying son. God gives us problems to overcome. Problems are to be handled. Not to be ignored and get high on, not a reason for smoking pot. These people are weak people. They cannot carry problems, carry on with the tough life with their normal state. Their normal body that God gave them. These people are weak. And they deserve my pity.
I think the problem with weed addicts is that they will never consider themselves as addicts. They are so dumb. They say, oh its just a longing for this or that, its just for fun. But when you think about it, they can’t live a day without smoking weed. What the fuck is that??? is that not addiction you morons. Also the main problem with drug addicts, there is something psychologically wrong with them. Their happiness is so stupid. Smoking weed, what the hell do you get from smoking weed? You get high, ok, so you get high for a day, and the next day, and the next day, what good do you get from that? ANG BABAW NG TINGIN NILA SA BUHAY. Wasting everyday on smoke which goes straight to your lungs and goes on to kill your brain cells. Tanga na sila magiging tanga pa. oo sige sabihin naten, iba iba ang storya ng bawat weed smoker. Pero tanong ko, bakit?? dahil wala na kayong magawa sa pera nyo? dahil feeling nyo cool yon? why smoke weed? ADDICTS ARE BLINDING THEMSELVES FROM REAL HAPPINESS, TRUE HAPPINESS WHICH YOU CAN HOLD, CHERISH, HUG AND LOVE. HALLUCINATIONS ARE NOT REAL. You are fooling yourself at the same time to think that smoking pot is true happiness. It’s a pathetic hobby.
Ok, so here’s my personal issue. MY brother is a weed addict. Personally I think my sister introduced that drug to him. That’s why she’s pitying him too much. But I think when my sister says she pities my brother that is too insulting. Pity is a word for those, helpless, homeless, the extremely unfortunate people. My brother is not unfortunate. No he will not get any pity from me right now, I have awoken myself from covering his addiction. I only give pity to those who deserve that word, that is a too deep and sad word. But in 5 yrs time, when he is still an addict. Yes I will pity him. I shall, with regret, pity him. So I will not let that time come. That time for real pity. Because I knew my brother before he was an addict. He was both my brother and sister. I never had an ate growing up, I was grown up already when my sister actually thought of taking the reins of her responsibility. Or maybe she showed her bëing “ate” in a different manner, but nevertheless, yes, she is still my ate, whether I felt it or not. I understand, she loved her boyfriend more than any of us. And that’s all right. Mikey’s all right. But this is about my brother. I know he could be a better person. I know because he was. And to see him everyday coming home, either drunk or high, not being able to talk to him the way we did in the past. No, I did not know him anymore. Too many painful memories have occured these 6 months in this house, and i’m just so sorry ate, but you were not here.
No i do not want him to go to rehab. That’s the last thing I want. But I also dont wan’t my parents to go through so much of this. Being fooled so many times. When I know there is no one else in this world who loves us more. This has got to end.
